THE GOBLIN COUNCIL
OFFERS YOU TERMS
Sign here in toenail. Sign there in regret. The mansion will not wait, and Barnabas Quill is sweating through his third waistcoat.
FREE
- ·1 auction per day
- ·Murderchurch only
- ·The full auctioneer meltdown
- ·Downloadable parchment deed PNG
- ·Leaderboard entry
Mrs. Hendershott will mostly ignore you.
CURSED COLLECTOR
- ✦Unlimited auctions, every day, forever
- ✦All 5 haunted mansions, each with its own auctioneer
- ✦Gold-foil Goblin Council notarization on every deed
- ✦Double wax seal (the second one is jealous)
- ✦Priority bog-summoning
- ✦Permanent gold foil retrofit on past deeds
Single payment. No subscription. The basement does not bill monthly.
Each Mansion. Each Auctioneer. Each Catastrophe.
Free tier: Murderchurch, and Murderchurch alone, weeping in your browser tab. Cursed Collector: all five, each with bespoke rival bidders and a custom fake-Latin pool curated by Barnabas himself.
Murderchurch
A deconsecrated chapel where the pews still weep on Sundays. Free tier exclusive — until you upgrade.
Bog Manor
Sinks one inch into the marsh per fortnight. The frogs have opinions about you.
The Dripping Estate
Every ceiling drips. The source is unknown. Plumbers refuse to enter.
The Wet Orphanage
Closed in 1873 under suspicious circumstances. The towels are still damp.
12 Crow Hollow
The crows hold the deed in escrow. They will not negotiate. They speak Latin.
"If your deed fails to summon a livable mansion within 30 days, the goblins will personally apologize via dream."
Frequently Mumbled
Barnabas is sweating. The basement is hungry.
Mrs. Hendershott has already bid her husband's appendix. What are you waiting for?